I stood in line at The Grounds for Sculpture in Hamilton, New Jersey, but it never moved!Karim Shamsi-Basha
To celebrate Father’s Day this past Sunday, I wrote a column celebrating what dads learn from that honor: Things like patience, priorities, emotional intelligence, kindness, friendship, and the ultimate: Love. We must look at the world through love-prism glasses. We must frame our actions with love. We must make love the driver of all intentions.
Today, we will take a lighter look at fatherhood, specifically dad jokes. Don’t deny it. You love them, and you tell them to your children and everyone else like they are the funniest thing you’ve ever heard when your audience is looking at you with pity while saying, “Sad. Really, sad.”
I’ve been accused by my three children of being a terrible dad-joke teller. But you know what? I know that they wouldn’t have it any other way.
My kids, from Dury, Demi and Zade, give me a hard time about my dad jokes. Inside, though, they love them!! Karim Shamsi-Basha
Without further ado, here are some of my main staples in the dad-joke department. Some might make you grin; others might make you roll your eyes and feel sorry for me. Then, there are a few that might make you think. (Read the Mars/Saturn joke below and tell me you didn’t think for a second or two).
Here it goes, and please keep the eye-rolling to a minimum.
- Why do flamingos lift only one leg? Because if they lifted both, they would fall.
- Why do turkeys prefer Android? Because they like to Google Google.
- I ate a kid’s meal at McDonald’s today. His mother didn’t seem happy at all.
- I asked the beekeeper for 12 bees, but he gave me 13. I said, “Sir, you gave me an extra bee.” He said, “That’s a freebie.”
- I have an inferiority complex. Although, it’s not a very good one. (I love this one!)
- When is a door, not a door? When it’s a jar.
- I only know 25 letters in the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
- What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed vegetable.
- If two vegetarians got in a fight, is it still called a beef?
- The owner of a tuxedo store hovered over me while trying on a few things. I said to him, “Please leave me alone. He said, “Suit yourself.”
- Why is a movie starring a turkey rated R? Because it has foul language.
- What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.
- What do sprinters eat before they race? Nothing. They fast.
- I bought a new thesaurus. It was terrible. And . . . it was terrible. (I adore writing jokes).
- I bought a thesaurus, and it had all blank pages. Now, I have no words to describe my anger.
- Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
- Mars asked Saturn, “Why don’t you give me a ring sometime?”
- My wife said, “You haven’t heard a single word I said, have you?” What a weird way to start a conversation. (This one is for all my married friends. You know this is soooooo on point!)
- Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands? They’re extinct.
- Of all the inventions in the last 100 years, the dry-erase board must be the most remarkable.
- My wife complained I didn’t buy her flowers. To be honest, I didn’t know that she sold flowers. (Another good one!)
- What goes, “Oh. Oh. Oh?” Santa walking backwards.
- How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three: His left ear, his right ear, and the final frontier.
- What do sheep drive? Lamborghinis.
- What do you say if you lose 25% of your roof? “Oof.”
- I saw a book with the title: “How to Solve 50% of Your Problems.” I bought two. (Another fav!)
I have many more, but I’ll spare you. Please email me your favorite dad joke, and I might share it in a future column. And if anyone rolls their eyes at you, grin big. After all, you’re a glorious dad with all that title comes with, including stupid and possibly funny jokes!
Happy belated Father’s Day.
Stories by Karim Shamsi-Basha
Karim Shamsi-Basha may be reached at kshamsi-basha@njadvancemedia.com. Follow him on Twitter & Instagram.
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