Miss Manners: Was it wrong for me to ask the host if my visiting brother could come to the BBQ, too?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother and his wife were visiting me for a week. During that week, I was invited to a barbecue at the home of some old friends.

I explained that my brother and sister-in-law were visiting and asked if it would be OK for them to attend. The hostess said “of course.” I made extra portions of food and brought them along.

Now, my spouse has said that it was rude of me to accept the invitation and that by asking whether my visiting brother could attend I was putting the hostess on the spot and that she could not say no.

As these are old friends, and I have met many of their families at other events (including ones I have hosted), I didn’t think asking this question about my own relatives was rude. Was it?

GENTLE READER: Well, there is a formula that makes it easier on the hostess. If you say, “Oh, we’d love to, but my brother and sister-in-law are visiting then,” she can say either “Please bring them” or “I’d love to meet them another time.”

There are polite ways to say no. If not, we would all be at the mercy of anyone suggesting anything.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)