Asking Eric: My husband is ALWAYS late and it makes my blood pressure shoot up

DEAR ERIC: My husband and I have been married for 56 years. I was a teacher and always had to be on time due to responsibility toward my students and professional etiquette. My husband was an engineer and did not have to follow strict rules about being on time. We have been retired for 11 years.

My husband has issues with his eyes and has not driven for six years. My problem is that he is never on time, no matter where we are going. It has come to a stage that whenever we go out, whether it is to the gym or for a social occasion we end up having an argument. He also constantly keeps making remarks about my speed, etc. This makes my blood pressure shoot up. My medication has been tripled. I am at my wits’ end. Please help.

—Frustrated Driver

DEAR DRIVER: First things first, we’ve got to keep you safe. While high blood pressure itself doesn’t, generally, impair your ability to drive, distracted driving, distressed driving and driving while being constantly needled by a backseat driver can create an unsafe situation. So, please make it clear to your husband that this level of conflict is not going to work. If he has a comment, he needs to hold it until you’re off the road (or hold it forever, honestly). Be firm about this.

It seems, also, that part of the conflict is rooted in your frustration about his lateness. After 56 years of marriage, some things might need to be accepted and worked around. If you want to leave at a certain time, you might tell him a time well before your actual time. Or you might say that you’re leaving whether he’s ready or not, and he can call a cab or get a ride with a friend.

You both feel trapped in this situation and that’s adding tension. By being realistic about what each of you can change or adapt, and what each of you needs to be safe, you can clear the air a bit.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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